She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize