he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
