Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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