if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
