Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
