I met the friendliest cop last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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