basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
