would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize