I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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