And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
