You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
