I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
