this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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