The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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