The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
