Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
