oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
