dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
