You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
