Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
