Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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