love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize