Your dad touched me again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize