She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
