I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize