I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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