I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
