I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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