Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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