I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
