I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
