did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
