Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
