I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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