He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
