respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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