don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
