I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
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