What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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