a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize