We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
did you just send me my own nude
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
