I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
