i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
