I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
