I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize