Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
