bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
