This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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