So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
