i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
