I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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