Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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