I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
