Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
