Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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