Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
