3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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