Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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