U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
