Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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