We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
