They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
