nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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