WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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