why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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