I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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