you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
