I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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