He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
