So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
