the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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