if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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