Me too!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
