Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
